An open letter to my neighbors

I don’t know any of your names because I’ve never taken the time to actually ask. I find it more interesting to just give you nick names based on your appearance/quirks. I do ,however, feel the urge to address some of you whether or not you will ever read this.

I want to start off with the dude that looks like my boyfriend:
You sir live in my same floor two doors down. Will it freaking kill you to be polite? I really never appreciated that you closed the elevator door while me and my folks where overloaded with grocery bags. Another thing, what the hell happened to your dog eh? Seems suspicious enough, one day he’s there and then WOOF! Gone!

My next concern goes to the guy who listens to country music down stairs:
I don’t know exactly where you live but I would love to get a glimpse of you. You don’t annoy me , you just fascinate me. In a predominantly Latin complex/city you really enjoy your country music. Every time I hear it on I rush to the balcony but alas you have already left. Who are you country dude?

To my Indian neighbor:
You sir live on my same floor but so many doors down that our balconies are actually facing each other. I don’t really have a beef with you either but I don’t know if within you I see a glimpse of my own curiosity. I understand that the green pimped out camero was an odd site to see. But was it really necessary for you to go downstairs, look both ways making sure no one saw you , and inspect every inch of the green pimp urban car? And what about that time I went to the complex pools and you popped out of nowhere and started to inspect every motorcycle that was there? Are you some sort of vehicle inspector? It’s funny but weird at the same time. Funny because you try to make sure nobody’s watching you but I’m always watching you. So I’m watching you watch out for other people to make sure nobody knows you’re watching other peoples car. Mind boggling, please stop, my brain hurts.

To my nice neighbor to the left:
You ma’am are an alcoholic. It’s not any of my business but I’m worried that when you step outside for your 27,241,231 cigarette you might fall to your doom and not even realize it.

And there you have it.

Love thy neighbor? Does indifference count?

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