Why Jesus isn’t in a rush to come for a visit…

Ever since I’ve had memory I’ve heard people say Christ is coming, the days are near , repent. All that stuff. Well, I use to pray and tried to be on my best behavior just in case he came. Then nada. He hasn’t come.

I have this theory that maybe he waited too much.

Think about it , if he would have gotten here ehh let’s say 16th century he would have faced a very pale English Queen, a guy who made a bunch of words up and managed to have people repeat them in a most dramatic way possible,and the turks were in charge back at his place. Doesn’t sound TOO bad does it? They still fought with swords right? But nowwwwwwwwww ufff. Poor fellow , if you think the passion of Christ was gruesome , imagine what would happen now that nations are armed with atomic bombs and there are a thousand people doing crazy stuff “in his name”. Then there’s the drugs. If he landed somewhere in Downtown Bronx or Lynn Mass there’d be so many different types of smog and smoke he’d be too high to find his way back to heaven.

First things first. I’d think the United States government would find a way to kidnap him. Keep him a secret for a while. But duh he’s the son of man , he got up three days after being stabbed to death. He’d find his way out of Bush’s ranch.

Now once he’s out of there Oprah will call him on his 5g I phone. But he doesn’t like competition so he hits ignore. Then Madonna comes on TV wearing her “Jesus is my homeboy” shirt. Leading him to log onto his 5g I phone to Google “homeboy” failing of course because it froze. The son of man is now alone in a world full of crazy fanaticism. “What is a Brangelina ?”he asks himself and why won’t Joan Rivers face move?

To try to cheer himself up again he tries to find his pals. But alas he was the only one who came back. Someone lost his head and the other funded a church. That’s when he hears the news. All the leaders of the world want a chit chat with him. Claiming the United States have him hostage Russia threatens to start war if he is not released. He plans to walk there and have a chat with Vladimir putin. 20 years later he gets there , tired ,but finally has his chat with Vladimir. He tells him he has scientist that can study his powers and imitate them. So he kidnaps Jesus. BUT OF COURSE HE GETS OUT. And moves to Canada. Where he now cures leprosy and other illnesses for free.


God is coming, look busy!



  1. t11time said,

    August 26, 2008 at 9:21 pm

    I felt he was comin too, but growin up findin out about the stereotype that blacks are always late i’ll felt hey maybe Jesus is black and hes “waitin on his ride”

  2. Gigi said,

    August 26, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    that’s another thing, those pictures of Jesus being so light skinned when middle easterns use to spend all that time in the sun. He must have at LEAST had a tan.
    Moses and his peeps probably had skin burn after walking 40 years in the desert and then they bring Charles Heston with his blow dried hair it’s crazy jejeje.

  3. t11time said,

    August 26, 2008 at 11:18 pm

    I always pictured Jesus lookin somewhat Bob Marley-esque maybe i fed into that stereotype that was on every blk person i knows iving room wall

  4. johnnyism said,

    August 27, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    Madonna’s t shirt that read “Jesus is my homeboy” also had a printed saying on the back.

    It read “Jesus, look I’m sorry for all that whorin’ I did.”

  5. Gigi said,

    August 28, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    Madonna apologizing for her behavior? It really would take the revisit of Christ for that happen jeje

  6. redriverpak said,

    August 29, 2008 at 6:00 am

    I agree. IF Jesus did come back, the Gov’t would find some way to screw things up! Have a great day!

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    September 9, 2008 at 5:50 pm

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