Bittersweet memories

Today I was at a kiddy birthday party. I tend to get bored at these things and try to avoid them at all cost ,for some reason I decided to play along. All of a sudden they play this merengue song. It’s rather old and to me very annoying. But it reminded me of a certain friend of mine . We’ll call him Allen for the sake of our privacy. I had known Allen in Dominican Republic for a long time. I had been actually infatuated with him and him with me. But it was one of those teen movie cliche where nobody said anything directly to the other and thus drifting away from a possibly good relation. He was handsome and had a Hollywood smile.I spent 3 years seeing Allen on a daily basis . I then had a friend very much infatuated with him. I never told her and till this day haven’t. I then concluded that even though it was unreasonably impossible for him and me to get together , my friend just added to those reasons. Allen and I did at times get physical ( NOT sexual) which added to our already silently confused relationship. The song played today reminded me of him and everything about him. I was talking to him in the sidewalk one afternoon and a car passed by with this song leading him to engage in a solo quirky dance ,which I remember as vividly as I had seen him when that happened.The way he bent his knee to prepare for the hip twist he was about to do and the smirk on his face acknowledging how silly it must have looked from my perspective.How short that little dance lasted. Which led to a chain of memories erected from my would be memory-less mind. I remember how good it felt to hug him and how sincere we kissed each other. How blankly we looked into each others face while we talked about other people we were seeing. How crushing was not being able to tell anyone close in fear that it might start a rumor leading to my friend who was head over heels for him. All in all I’m glad I lived that. I’m glad to have been a part of his life in one way or another and to still be able to call him one of my close friends. Sometimes we strive to reach something without realizing we already lived it. When I heard that song I felt I was hugging him all over again and I feel glad that even if I don’t remember my e-mail password from time to time I can still remember what he feels like.

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